How to Share Your Child's ADHD Diagnosis with Family During the Holidays. Who to Tell, When, and How.

You’re in the clinic with the report, and after thinking, "Finally, we have answers," your next question is likely, "Who do we tell?"

If your child was just diagnosed with ADHD, I understand what you’re going through. You’re still processing it, feeling relief, grief, hope, overwhelm, and many other emotions all at once. You’re reading everything you can, learning new terms like executive function and working memory, and trying to figure out what this means for your family.

You're heading into the holiday season, where you'll face well-meaning relatives who remember your child as they were last year, who don't yet understand why "just try harder" isn't helpful advice, and who might have strong opinions about ADHD diagnoses, medication, and "kids with ADHD these days."

This time, when everything still feels new and uncertain, can be one of the hardest moments to advocate for your child. You don’t need to have all the answers yet. Focus on getting through these gatherings while protecting your child’s dignity and keeping family relationships strong.

I’m here to help guide you through this.

The Emotional Side No One Mentions

Before we talk about what to do, let’s acknowledge something important. You’re being asked to explain something you’re still learning about. You may not feel like an expert. You might be grieving the expectations you once had, even as you love your child. You could also be worn out from the long journey to get answers.

It’s okay if you don’t have everything figured out yet.

It’s normal to feel protective or even defensive.

It’s also okay if you want to explain everything—or nothing at all.

The holidays can still be joyful, even if you’re not the perfect spokesperson for ADHD. Your main goal is to protect your child and get through the season as peacefully as possible.

Deciding What to Share and With Whom

Not everyone needs to know the same details. Before the gatherings, talk with your partner or co-parent about what you want to share and with whom.

Think about sharing information in different levels:

• Inner circle (grandparents, siblings, close family who see your child regularly): They need to understand what ADHD is, what you're learning, and how they can support your child. These are relationships where deeper conversation matters. To help them grasp the concept of ADHD, one could use a metaphor, such as comparing the brain's executive functions to an air traffic control system. This analogy simplifies the neuroscience behind ADHD, making it easier for relatives to understand how it affects your child.

• Extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins): They need enough information to be kind and appropriate with your child, but don't necessarily need the full diagnostic report. Think: "We've learned that [child's name] has ADHD, which affects how they manage their attention and impulses. We're working with specialists and learning a lot."

• Distant relatives and family friends: They need very little. A simple "We're working through some learning differences and getting the support they need" is often enough.

You are in control. This is your child’s story, and you decide what to share until they’re old enough to do it themselves.

The Real Conversations You’ll Have

Let’s get practical. Here are some scripts for conversations you might have. Before your gatherings, try practicing these out loud, either to yourself or in front of a mirror. Even a quick rehearsal can help you feel more confident and remember what to say.

For the genuinely curious and supportive:

We recently found out that [child's name] has ADHD. It's been quite eye-opening to see how their brain works differently, including difficulties with working memory, response inhibition, and executive functioning that make everyday tasks harder than they seem. We are exploring strategies that genuinely help.

For the sceptical ("Everyone has ADHD these days"):

I recognise that this diagnosis is common at the moment. For us, understanding it has clarified much of what [child's name] has been facing. We're not viewing this as a label; we're seeing it as a way to support them more effectively.

For the advice-givers ("Have you tried...?"):

We really appreciate you thinking of us. Currently, we're working closely with specialists who understand ADHD and focusing on their advice. If we need other ideas in the future, we'll definitely get in touch.

For the discipline police ("They just need more structure/consequences"):

I understand that having structure and discipline is important and can be effective for many situations. However, we've learned that ADHD is actually a neurodevelopmental difference in how the brain's executive functions operate. It's not about motivation or discipline; it is about their brain processing things differently. We are learning how to support them in ways that genuinely align with how their brains function.

For critics of the medication:

We're exploring all options with our medical team and making decisions based on what's best for [child's name]. I know everyone has different feelings about this, and we respect that. We need you to respect our decisions as parents.

Notice what these scripts do: they’re confident but not confrontational, informative without sounding preachy, and they help stop unhelpful advice without starting arguments.

Setting Boundaries Without Family Drama

Remember, you don’t have to debate your child’s diagnosis with anyone.

If a conversation gets uncomfortable, you can:

Change the subject: "I appreciate your concern. How's work been going for you?"

End the conversation: "This isn't really the time or place for this discussion. Let's catch up about something else."

Be straightforward: "I can tell you have thoughts about this. Right now, we need support more than advice. Can you help with that?"

Walk away: Sometimes, leaving the conversation is the kindest thing you can do for everyone.

You might worry about seeming rude or defensive. But your child is listening and learning from you about how to stand up for themselves. They notice how you respond when someone questions their challenges or their worth.

Show them the boundaries you want them to learn.

Finding Your Allies

Before the gatherings, think about which family members already understand or are likely to be supportive. This could be:

• The family member who also has ADHD or another neurodivergence

• The teacher or healthcare worker who understands learning differences

• The parent who’s been through something similar

• The person who simply trusts your judgment as a parent

  
  

Talk to them ahead of time. Let them know you might need support, and ask if they’d be willing to help guide conversations or step in if things get tough.

Even having one ally in the room can make you feel less alone and more supported.

What Your Child Needs Most from You

While you're navigating all these adult conversations, your child is experiencing their own journey. They might:

• Overhear things they don't fully grasp

• Notice tension or judgment

• Feel as if they're the problem

• Wonder if there's something "wrong" with them

  
  

Make sure you have age-appropriate talks with your child before and after these gatherings.

Let them know:

"Your brain functions differently, and that's fine. Some things are more challenging for you, and others are easier. We're discovering how to support your brain so it performs at its best.

If anyone says something that doesn't feel right, you can tell me. I'm always on your side.

Nothing about you is wrong or broken. You just learn differently, and we're working out what helps."

When Family Surprises You—Good or Bad

Here’s what I’ve seen happen in families:

Sometimes, the person you expect to be judgmental surprises you with genuine acceptance and support. The curt grandfather you feared would dismiss the diagnosis becomes your child's strongest advocate. The family member you hardly know shares their own ADHD story.

And sometimes the person you rely on lets you down. They make comments that hurt. They question your parenting. They diminish your child's struggles.

In either case, it helps to reflect on these moments. After a gathering, ask yourself, "Who surprised me as an ally today?" This question can turn surprises into learning opportunities and help you plan how to connect with your family in the future.

Both good and bad surprises will happen. Try not to write anyone off completely or assume anyone is always supportive. People can surprise us in many ways.

Looking Ahead

This holiday season probably won’t be perfect. You might leave some gatherings feeling tired or frustrated. You may wish you’d said something different or set a boundary sooner.

That’s completely normal.

What matters is that you’re trying. You’re learning and protecting your child when they need it most. You’re laying the groundwork for their self-advocacy and self-acceptance.

The diagnosis might be new, but your love for your child hasn’t changed. Trust that love—it will guide you through tough conversations and hard times.

Remember, next year’s holidays will be different. You’ll know more, your family will understand better, and your child will get the support they need. The first season is always the hardest.

You can do this.

One Last Note

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, pause and take a breath. You don’t have to share anything you’re not ready to share. You’re not required to educate people who don’t want to learn, or justify your child’s brain to those who won’t accept it.

Your main job is to love your child and make sure they get the support they need.

Everything else is just details.

If you need more help getting through this season, please reach out. This is my work, I help families understand and I advocate for neurodivergent learners. You’re not alone.